Ever since nicholas left my days goes something like... this i wake up thinking about him and i spend almost the entire day doing the same.I never knew what it was like to spend time apart from someone for so long but you start to appreciate the little things and you start remembering your first and the lasts.You hold on to every memory you have ever made with your other half.My mind wanders alot and i think about everything we did together its like i block out everything that is happening in the day and just go back to the days he was here with me. You dont find perfection easily so the day i found him i knew i wasnt going to let him go.
Nicholas called me today.Ive been sick so he wanted to check on me. He told me its starting to get cold over there and that they had an earthquake.We spend most of our time talking about our wedding or things that are on our minds.Today i thought alot about the things he has seen just imagining because he does not really feel comfortable talking to me about it.Well we talk about it sometimes we did when he was home.but anyways i thought about the strength these men and woman must have.I feel selfish that i wouldnt sign up.I am growing up and wanting some independence but i dont think i would be able to leave my family friends or boyfriend to go over to god knows where and not know if i would be coming back.Call me a coward i think so too,but thats why i respect everyone for doing what they do.I believe that people dont see how much pain and stress families of soldiers go through. i have an aunt who is married to a marine and he is leaving and coming all the time she has children but still she gets up and takes care of them she doesn't let him being gone slow her down or hold her back.I havent heard her say one negative thing about him being gone she supports him and shows him love.She has helped me through all of this deployment she pulled me out of a rut of depression and anger without her i probably wouldn't be as strong or positive right now.The best part is anytime im feeling down or im worried about something i write to her(because she lives a distance away) and she always comes back with some positive feed back some amazing answer that makes me feel so much better.I hope that anybody who has someone they love overseas has atleast one person like my aunt that they can talk to she is a good part of my strength and hope.i love you kathleen(:
As i lay here wrapped in a blanket nicholas sent me i wonder what he is doing right now, i wonder what hes thinking or whats around him.I close my eyes and can picture him next to me i remember exactly what he looks like as he sleeps i remember the rhythm his chest moves.The thing i miss the most is feeling his heartbeat .Weird i know.We frequently joke that we are living in the Dear John movie only we will have a happier ending. Is there even an ending to any good story?? is there an end to a true love? i dont think there is people see death as an end but death is a beginning of something else of a new beautiful life without pain without war without any hurting.I believe in another life people dont struggle people know no evil.I guess everyone has their beliefs but while others see death as a negative i will not fear it.
Nicholas yesterday found out about my blog he doesnt understand why i didnt tell him or why i wont let him read it.I guess its because im not all that confident in my writing i dont like to many people i know reading stuff.im debating on giving him the link...i dont like not showing him things i like the fact that we tell each other everything and i dont want that to change because of a blog.who knows maybe i should let him read it.I shall spend the rest of my night cuddling the blanket nick sent me and watching movies thinking and dreaming about hiim and what our life will be like when hes home.
ilovemybabe
kassie<3
stay safe+&support our troops
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
My first blog
Hello there,
its been almost 5 months since my fiancé left and went back to Afghanistan from his 2 week leave.Saying good bye the second time is the hardest.The pain you feel having to say goodbye to the one you love and not exactly know if you will see them again is awful.Im young almost 18 but the moment i met nicholas i knew he was the one for me.He makes my life something it has never been even with the distance he still makes me feel beautiful and special.He supports me through this deployment as much as i support him.I dont think anybody knows exactly what its like to be without someone they love have them somewhere you know nothing about and not know if they will get hurt.Ive learned to trust in God and believe that he will take care of nick for me even though i cant.
To explain nick hes from a small town with a great family who loves him very much.He has the cutest 2 and a half year old son.He is the most selfless person i have ever met.When he was home on his two week leave he did things for his friends and family.He let his friends borrow money knowing he probably would never get it back.He has the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room.His smile is contagious.He is 21 and dreams of being an MMA fighter.He has had a not so easy life but he turned it all around and became a man everyone is proud of.He seems to find good in people that dont have much at all. He hates chocolate and is obsessed with Arnold Palmers.We have a dog named willow.He is in the National Guard and was deployed not to long after he got home from AIT ..We are supposed to get married in June.
When he first arrived for his leave the travel got all messed up.He ended up taking a taxi from the airport to our house which is pretty far away.We spent everyday together doing different things and being a family.Waking up to someone for so long and then having them be gone is a punch in the gut.I havent had a good nights rest since the day he left.My friends try being supportive and being there but nobody really knows the right thing to say they dont know exactly what to say to help and i dont hold it against them.When the deployment first started i had alot of anger and depression. I was angry of people who got to see and hold the one they love everyday i was jealous they got to have that time when i had and still have to wait so long.Im getting better each day and without him being there to support me things would still be pretty bad.I find alot of comfort in talking to other people who are with someone who is deployed or have ever been in my shoes its nice seeing how they have gotten through it and it gives me inspiration that things will get better.
Nicholas will miss my 18th birthday and he will miss thanksgiving.Thats something i think about alot.To my family thanksgiving is pretty important and it wont be the same without him here.Ofcourse nobody wants someone they love to miss their birthday but ill have plenty of other birthdays hopefully he will be here for them.Well this is my first Blog just giving you a taste of Nicholas and of myself.There will be more to come.feel free to email me if you have any advice or just wanna talk about your spouse being deployed.
Thanks
Kassie
Support our troops<3
its been almost 5 months since my fiancé left and went back to Afghanistan from his 2 week leave.Saying good bye the second time is the hardest.The pain you feel having to say goodbye to the one you love and not exactly know if you will see them again is awful.Im young almost 18 but the moment i met nicholas i knew he was the one for me.He makes my life something it has never been even with the distance he still makes me feel beautiful and special.He supports me through this deployment as much as i support him.I dont think anybody knows exactly what its like to be without someone they love have them somewhere you know nothing about and not know if they will get hurt.Ive learned to trust in God and believe that he will take care of nick for me even though i cant.
To explain nick hes from a small town with a great family who loves him very much.He has the cutest 2 and a half year old son.He is the most selfless person i have ever met.When he was home on his two week leave he did things for his friends and family.He let his friends borrow money knowing he probably would never get it back.He has the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room.His smile is contagious.He is 21 and dreams of being an MMA fighter.He has had a not so easy life but he turned it all around and became a man everyone is proud of.He seems to find good in people that dont have much at all. He hates chocolate and is obsessed with Arnold Palmers.We have a dog named willow.He is in the National Guard and was deployed not to long after he got home from AIT ..We are supposed to get married in June.
When he first arrived for his leave the travel got all messed up.He ended up taking a taxi from the airport to our house which is pretty far away.We spent everyday together doing different things and being a family.Waking up to someone for so long and then having them be gone is a punch in the gut.I havent had a good nights rest since the day he left.My friends try being supportive and being there but nobody really knows the right thing to say they dont know exactly what to say to help and i dont hold it against them.When the deployment first started i had alot of anger and depression. I was angry of people who got to see and hold the one they love everyday i was jealous they got to have that time when i had and still have to wait so long.Im getting better each day and without him being there to support me things would still be pretty bad.I find alot of comfort in talking to other people who are with someone who is deployed or have ever been in my shoes its nice seeing how they have gotten through it and it gives me inspiration that things will get better.
Nicholas will miss my 18th birthday and he will miss thanksgiving.Thats something i think about alot.To my family thanksgiving is pretty important and it wont be the same without him here.Ofcourse nobody wants someone they love to miss their birthday but ill have plenty of other birthdays hopefully he will be here for them.Well this is my first Blog just giving you a taste of Nicholas and of myself.There will be more to come.feel free to email me if you have any advice or just wanna talk about your spouse being deployed.
Thanks
Kassie
Support our troops<3
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